Life Lesson 39: Sex Is Fun

Well, this is a different topic for me and I really questioned whether I should write this post but the truth is, it's a big lesson I've learned over the years.  I'm not going to go into a lot of detail or anything but I think this lesson is one that should not be overlooked...it's that important, in my humble opinion.

Not only is sex fun and meant to be explored, it is imperative that it occur regularly in a relationship for a relationship to flourish.  Most couples who begin to grow apart find their sex lives decrease around the same time.  In this case, it isn't necessarily sex specifically but it is the intimacy that occurs as a result of sex.  Sex brings two people close together.  It creates connection.  It provides an opportunity to get to know your body in a deeper way and to appreciate it and love it, which improves confidence.  It releases chemicals in the brain that make people happy and reduces stress...all so beneficial in our lives.

We need connection.

We need happiness.

We need to eliminate the negative effects of stress.

We need to have fun and feel alive!

Whether you are in a relationship or not, sexual activity provides so many benefits; it should be a part of your regular routine.  While I am sure there are varying reports out there, I think the last one I read said 4x a week or more is best.  I wonder if that sounds like a lot to you...

When it comes to a relationship, I realize withholding sex was one of the biggest downfalls in my marriage.  It is not a bargaining chip.  Denying each other and myself pleasure was just plain wrong.  It's difficult to feel close to someone without a physical connection.  And when we no longer feel so close, we care less and less about making things work.  All relationships require effort and intimacy is one really important factor in creating and maintaining a sense of intimacy with another person.  Even if we aren't withholding out of anger...maybe it's just being tired...once you get started...it's always fun so why not just say yes?!

And keep it fresh and exciting.  Try new things so you don't fall into a rut.  Laugh and play and experiment.  If it doesn't work out, you still got to have fun and it will create opportunities for even more fun in the long run.  And you can't know what you really, really like unless you try it.

So go out now and get yourself a punch card to Fantasy Gifts (did you know they teach classes as well??).  Go when you have some extra time and ask one of the clerks to show you around, give you suggestions, explain some of those items you may be looking at wondering what the heck is that for.  They've heard it all and there's nothing you could say or do that will shock them and they are quite knowledgeable on the subject of sex.

So get that punch card, bring home some new toys and have some fun!  You'll be glad you did.

[caption id="attachment_8403" align="aligncenter" width="880"] I know I've shared this image before but I couldn't resist sharing it again. Love yourself and others fully.[/caption]

Life Lesson 37: Kindness is the Only Thing That Really Matters

Kindness is really the only thing that matters in our quest for happiness and joy.  Kindness of self and of others.  Here are a few quotes to inspire you...

Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in giving creates love. ~ Lao Tzu

A warm smile is the universal language of kindness. ~  William Arthur Ward

A part of kindness consists in loving people more than they deserve. ~ Joseph Joubert

Truth is a deep kindness that teaches us to be content in our everyday life and share with the people the same happiness. ~ Khalil Gibran

No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted. ~ Aesop

[caption id="attachment_8486" align="aligncenter" width="686"] Honoring nature on a road trip I took spur of the moment this summer.[/caption]

Life Lesson 22: Sing Like No One is Listening

And who gives a crap if they are listening??  Do it for you.  Sing loud, sing proud and enjoy life!

Thought you might enjoy this video...

Life Lesson 16: Pull Out That Stick

While I did play some as a child, work always came first.  In the summer, we'd have a list of chores (most likely crafted to keep us out of trouble) and we weren't supposed to play until they were all done.  I've carried that philosophy into my adult life and always felt that work had to come first and work is never done.  Two more beliefs that are bullshit - just in case you are wondering.

I also didn't have a lot of freedom to just hang out with my friends in high school, first probably because I went to a school that was about 45 minutes away from my home so I didn't have many local friends and then in my last couple of years, I just wasn't given the freedom to be a kid.  There always had to be purpose to the plans being made, or so it felt.  I had an earlier curfew than my friends and was embarrassed by it so I just made up excuses whenever I'd be invited to do something.

Then I had my first child at 19 so I moved right into being a parent and I needed to grow up pretty quick.  Being married to an alcoholic also affected my perceived ability to just be free and relax and have fun.  I was always the driver and I always had to worry about the kids.

So many factors that have made it difficult for me to let my hair down and just have a good time.  And what a loss...in so many ways.  I have often been viewed as stand-offish or even anti-social but really I was just always on alert and never felt like I could just have fun.  I have missed out on events because I just didn't want to be the driver or go only to end up taking care of the kids in a strange location so I'd just stay home.  And, frankly, I didn't even know how to play.

But playing is really important.  It is just about doing something fun...about relaxing...about not having a drive or purpose (other than to have a good time).  It's about laughter and friends and family.  Play lights us up inside and fills our soul.

And so I am learning to play...slowly pulling that stick out of my ass.  Here are a few of my recent play dates (sometimes with others and sometimes with myself).

[caption id="attachment_8431" align="aligncenter" width="686"] Day long road trip by myself...not planned in advance.[/caption]

[caption id="attachment_8432" align="aligncenter" width="1024"] One of my many bike rides this summer[/caption]

[caption id="attachment_8433" align="aligncenter" width="1024"] Watching the hummingbirds at Crow Wing Crest in Akeley[/caption]

 

 

 

Life Lesson 14: Clarity is #1

If I am not clear about what I want, I can't attract it into my life.

Monday, I was on a call with my coach.  I was sharing with her that I wanted to take a vacation and wanted some help breaking it down and figuring out how to make it happen.  You see, I had lost out on two vacation opportunities this fall that I thought I had scheduled and I was feeling hurt and disappointed.  I needed to shift this into something that I was excited about and would take care of my needs.  And I do mean needs, as my coach gently pointed out on our call.

You see, I identified a few years ago that I really NEED to get away a couple of times a year.  Once in the spring and once in the fall.  Without it, I feel like something is off. So this truly is a need for my well being.  So planning a trip is necessary for my well being.

So I had started with this dream vacation plan that involved about 3 weeks time and about 5000 miles.  I was working on scaling it down and finding a route that would fill my needs and desires and feel doable.  My coach began sharing tidbits for travel...a subject she knows well...and things began to take true shape.  My big aha's during that conversation included:

• This isn't the only opportunity for a trip in my life and I don't need to do it all at once.


• There are lots of ways to make something happen...be open to the possibilities.


• I am great at manifesting when I become clear.

Within 15 minutes of hanging up that phone, I had the foundation of a doable vacation laid out that involved water, large trees, mountains, alone time and time with family.  And 10 minutes after that, I had someone email me offering me a spot in their van for a road trip for this fall to the other location that was on my list as really important to me and something I wanted to do soon!  Then she let me know she was also looking to go to another location on that same trip for a weekend and that location would provide me the opportunity to visit another friend who has invited me to stay with her any time.

I was so overwhelmed by my good fortune, I started to cry and actually had to get up and move around to release some of the energy I could feel coming in.

The Universe is more than willing to help a girl out but I have to provide a clear road map.  If I don't know what I want, how can I expect it to show up?

Take some time today to get clear in your life about what you want.

Consider writing it down, creating a vision board, whatever it takes to make it real...to put it out there...and watch as it shows up.

[caption id="attachment_8429" align="aligncenter" width="1024"] Road trip to Lake Peppin in Wisconsin September 2012[/caption]

Life Lesson 10: It’s Okay to Care for Another

Growing up, my mom was a huge caregiver. You could tell she really enjoyed doing acts of service for others.  She still does. It's just a part of who she is...how she shows love.

Growing up, I also felt that she did too much.  For whatever reason, I thought that the man of the house should do more than my dad did.  I felt he took advantage of her in many ways and didn't treat her very well.

I swore I would never let a man treat me that way and that I would never cook and clean for anyone...it had to be shared or it wasn't gettin' done!

Now, at age 46, I have discovered that I actually really enjoy caring for someone I love.  When I come from my heart, that's the number one thing I want to do...be of service.  Apparently, it is also how I show love.

I read the book Love Languages probably close to 10 years ago.  I had the hardest time identifying mine and have gone back and forth about what they are.  I realize now that it was simply because I rarely came at anything with my heart wide open because of experiences I'd had in my life and because I had these beliefs about how a relationship should work.

Now I realize that it' a positive way to show love for another.

No matter how you show it and no matter how they receive it.  Just show love.  Every day.

Just in case the book is new to you, there are 5 Love Languages or 5 ways that people show love.

• Gifts


• Acts of service


• Quality time


• Physically


• Verbally

Which one or two ways are your main ways you show love?

Life Lesson 7: Creativity is Key

Creativity is a key component in our every day life.  It is one of the few things that balances our energetic bodies completely.  It connects us to our intuition. It makes us happy.  It share so much about who we are.

When I first started taking painting classes, I was afraid to even put my brush on the canvas. I was so afraid I would make a mistake and it would be ruined.  Very telling about my personality.  If you read my post here, you know that how we approach anything is how we approach everything.  I have often been afraid to even start something for fear I would fail and it's paralyzed me.

But more importantly, I learned to make that first brush stroke.  To let it happen.  I still sometimes hesitate but not for too long.  I know I can change it if I don't like it or that I can just have some fun and I don't have to hang it on my wall if I don't love it.  It's about the journey, not the finish line.

And I know that if I am feeling out of sorts, I am most likely in need of some serious creative time.  A little meditative action like a brush stroking a canvas or a pen gracing the surface of a sheet of paper will bring me back into my center and allow my energy to positively flow.

Being creative has become such a part of who I am...I think it's always been there but I haven't felt free enough to let it shine.  I know there is so much more inside of me, just waiting to come out.  I feel we all have a creative desire just craving to come forth and share with the world.

[caption id="attachment_8415" align="aligncenter" width="751"] My second hand-tinted photograph. Janis Joplin is one of my favorite musicians.[/caption]

Uncultivated creativity is not benign.  It metastasizes.  It turns into grief, rage, judgement, sorrow, shame.  We are divine beings and we are, by nature, creative. ~ Brene Brown

What do you do to bring creativity into your life regularly?