Life Lesson 12: Love Your Life

To have a life you love, you must love the life you have.

I don't mean just the good stuff...I mean all of it. You must truly love it all.  I don't mean find the silver lining...I mean as is, messiness and all.

Pure love without conditions or judgements.

Can you find a space in which you can love that old car or the fact that you have to work at something you'd prefer not to work at or that you don't have the income you wish you had?

Can you find a space to love the peeling wallpaper or the stained sofa or the messiness of a painful divorce?

You must be able to love it all.  To honor it all.

Only then will you have a life you love.

What is it that you have been NOT loving in your life?  What can you do to eliminate it or bring it into a space of love?

Life Lesson 11: Busy Is Bullshit

I used to be the kind of person who ran, ran, ran.  I worked all the time and then would take classes and whatever to stay busy when I wasn't working.  The truth was, I wasn't very happy and I didn't want to have any down time for fear I might actually connect with how unhappy I was.  If I did have downtime, I would fill it with mindless TV or some other similar activity.  Still keeping myself safe from allowing myself to feel much of anything.

But being busy is bullshit.

Filling our lives full of activities doesn't make us look important.  It doesn't keep us safe.  It doesn't make the hurt or unhappiness go away.  It just keeps us from connecting to who we really are...what we really feel...to those around us...to the world.

[caption id="attachment_8421" align="aligncenter" width="1024"] One of the images from the photo shoot I did at the Arboretum. She was so fun to work with as a model. She just seemed to be enjoying herself so much and was so laid back.[/caption]

Downtime is really important. It is in this space we connect to our feelings, to others, to the world.

Give yourself the gift of downtime today.  Hang out in a park...smile...laugh...sit on the couch for 10 minutes and do nothing...just enjoy some downtime.

Life Lesson 10: It’s Okay to Care for Another

Growing up, my mom was a huge caregiver. You could tell she really enjoyed doing acts of service for others.  She still does. It's just a part of who she is...how she shows love.

Growing up, I also felt that she did too much.  For whatever reason, I thought that the man of the house should do more than my dad did.  I felt he took advantage of her in many ways and didn't treat her very well.

I swore I would never let a man treat me that way and that I would never cook and clean for anyone...it had to be shared or it wasn't gettin' done!

Now, at age 46, I have discovered that I actually really enjoy caring for someone I love.  When I come from my heart, that's the number one thing I want to do...be of service.  Apparently, it is also how I show love.

I read the book Love Languages probably close to 10 years ago.  I had the hardest time identifying mine and have gone back and forth about what they are.  I realize now that it was simply because I rarely came at anything with my heart wide open because of experiences I'd had in my life and because I had these beliefs about how a relationship should work.

Now I realize that it' a positive way to show love for another.

No matter how you show it and no matter how they receive it.  Just show love.  Every day.

Just in case the book is new to you, there are 5 Love Languages or 5 ways that people show love.

• Gifts


• Acts of service


• Quality time


• Physically


• Verbally

Which one or two ways are your main ways you show love?

Life Lesson 9: Life is Fucking Messy

Life is fucking messy.

It just is.
Quit complaining about it.
Quit whining about it.
Quit blaming others.
Quit making excuses.
And just deal.

[caption id="attachment_8419" align="aligncenter" width="1024"] Centennial Park Bridge, Edina, MN[/caption]

Connect with who you really are inside.
Decide what's important to you.
Decide how you want to show up in the world.
And just get real.

Keep moving forward.
Enjoy the pleasures in your life.
Let the rest go.

The end.

Life Lesson 8: Weight Loss is Not Just Calories In and Out

I have struggled with my weight for most of my life.  According to Louise Hay, weight is about protection...needing to feel safe and secure.  I agree with this.  My whole life has been about feeling secure and most of my decisions are based on how secure I feel in that moment.

About 9 or 10 years ago, I decided to join Weight Watchers.  I was in a different place in my life then.  I was truly living in the moment, enjoying life, experiencing new things and doing a lot of, what Julia Cameron calls, Artists Dates.  Artists Dates are where you do something that is just about you and, typically, you do it alone so the experience is yours alone.  I was taking classes, going places...truly living my life.  It was freeing and joyful.  Over the course of a year, I lost just under 100 pounds.  I maintained that weight loss for a while but began to gain it back when I had a stressful experience at work with an employee of mine.  I stopped everything positive. It was as if someone had flipped a switch.  I reverted back to every bad habit I'd ever had.

Here's what's interesting, though.  In Weight Watchers, I had one free day a week where I would choose to eat whatever I wanted.  Sometimes I really pigged out.  Yes, I was religious about tracking my points on the other six days and, yes, I worked out a lot but I allowed myself the freedom to do whatever I wanted that one day a week.  There wasn't a single weigh in, over the course of that year, that I didn't lose weight.  And I don't think it was just about burning calories based on food and exercise.

I believe that enjoying life and feeling free also burns calories. 

I can't explain it but I definitely know that stress can impact your ability to lose weight in a negative way so is it so far fetched to believe that enjoying your life can affect it in a positive way? 

I am not trying to lose weight now but I've lost 46 pounds in four months.  I bought a bike about half way through that and have ridden it about once a week.  I started doing yoga once a week a few weeks ago.  Other than that...not much exercise.  I do not track my food or "watch" what I eat.  I go out to restaurants, including fast food.  I enjoy food.  I have recently noticed that my portions have decreased in size as far as what I'm able to consume in a meal but nothing I've done has been about losing weight and I'm not doing enough, from a physiological perspective, to experience this level of weight loss.  I would need to be either burning or eating fewer calories than I need to maintain my weight to the tune of 7,000 a week to lose at the rate I've been losing and, I assure you, I don't believe that's the case.  I have also been to the doctor to rule out any medical issues and, other than a very low potassium level (now resolved), I am in really good health.

The big difference in my life is enjoying it fully.  Yes, there is stress present and my life isn't perfect - I would never want to imply that it was anything else - but I am showing up in my life...doing things that appeal to me...trying new things and loving every minute of it.

And that has more value in my health than calories in or calories out.   The difference this time is knowing this is truly who I am and knowing I will never hide behind bad habits again.  I don't need to be protected because I am safe and secure...just because I am.  The walls...the weight...they only create a false sense of safety and security.  True security comes from within.  From showing up.  From being present.  From living in the moment.


And I'm looking forward to a lifetime of that.

[caption id="attachment_8249" align="aligncenter" width="1024"] Covered in tomatoes at the Midwest Tomato Fest, July 2013
And, yes, I've shared this photo in a few places - me, looking like total crap, covered in tomatoes - I would have never let someone take a picture like this, let alone shared it in the past.[/caption]

How present are you in your life?  Are you showing up every day and making it delicious?  You'd be amazed at the difference it makes.

Life Lesson 7: Creativity is Key

Creativity is a key component in our every day life.  It is one of the few things that balances our energetic bodies completely.  It connects us to our intuition. It makes us happy.  It share so much about who we are.

When I first started taking painting classes, I was afraid to even put my brush on the canvas. I was so afraid I would make a mistake and it would be ruined.  Very telling about my personality.  If you read my post here, you know that how we approach anything is how we approach everything.  I have often been afraid to even start something for fear I would fail and it's paralyzed me.

But more importantly, I learned to make that first brush stroke.  To let it happen.  I still sometimes hesitate but not for too long.  I know I can change it if I don't like it or that I can just have some fun and I don't have to hang it on my wall if I don't love it.  It's about the journey, not the finish line.

And I know that if I am feeling out of sorts, I am most likely in need of some serious creative time.  A little meditative action like a brush stroking a canvas or a pen gracing the surface of a sheet of paper will bring me back into my center and allow my energy to positively flow.

Being creative has become such a part of who I am...I think it's always been there but I haven't felt free enough to let it shine.  I know there is so much more inside of me, just waiting to come out.  I feel we all have a creative desire just craving to come forth and share with the world.

[caption id="attachment_8415" align="aligncenter" width="751"] My second hand-tinted photograph. Janis Joplin is one of my favorite musicians.[/caption]

Uncultivated creativity is not benign.  It metastasizes.  It turns into grief, rage, judgement, sorrow, shame.  We are divine beings and we are, by nature, creative. ~ Brene Brown

What do you do to bring creativity into your life regularly?

Life Lesson 6: It's All In The Approach

I used to have an assessment tool on my site that I would have anyone who was looking for me to create a website use.  The assessment would allow me to see where they were in their process as well as be able to put together a quality quote for them.  Most filled it out without question and appreciated the opportunity to get clear right away about their project.

And then there was the one.

She contacted me about a website project.  She had a small budget compared to what she wanted done and, when I pointed her in the direction of the assessment tool, she refused to fill it out.  She told me doing anything like that would kill her creativity and that it was my job to pull the information out of her.  I kindly offered to do that at my consultant rates.  She thought that was ridiculous that she would need to pay me to gather all the information I needed to do her project rather than having her supply it for me.

It isn't just the ability to gather information that I gained from using that assessment tool; it was also that I could tell right away how someone would be to work with.  I am, in no way, saying her behavior was bad or wrong...only that her desired process was different than what works best for me. AND I knew, based on how she approached my initial guidance that we would not work well together.  Our styles didn't fit.  I knew I'd be in for an entire project of her telling me my systems didn't work for her and wanting me to do things differently.

Because how we approach anything is how we approach everything.

If I take shortcuts in one place, I'm probably taking them in other places in my life.

If I challenge authority in one place, I'm probably challenging it in another place.

My car...pretty much looks like my home, as far as how I care for it.

Because how we approach anything is how we approach everything.  Life is just one big metaphor.

Take a look at the small things in your life...for a day.  How do you approach the mundane tasks in your life?  With joy?  With frustration?  Can you begin there to bring more joy into your life?  Can you approach them with a renewed outlook?  How do you deal with conflict?  How do you interact with those around you?  Remember, the way you approach something will not only show up in one area.  If we can't see the joy in brushing our teeth, for example....the minty taste of the toothpaste, the cleanliness of our teeth and breath...how can we see the joy in other areas - even when it's right in front of our face?

Approach life with laughter...with joy...with a sense of freedom to be all you can be.

What will you do to ensure that you are approaching things in your life the way you want to approach all of your life experiences?